Winning the 2013 Miss California International crown has been one of my biggest accomplishment yet. I am a true believer that success is possible when preparation meets opportunity. Being crowned Miss California Intl. 2013 did not happen by accident; I owe this success to the trials, tribulations, mistakes, accomplishments, and role models of my past.
At just 18 years of age I entered the Miss Bakersfield pageant, my very first pageant, with the hopes of winning a scholarship to help put me through college. While I didn't walk away with the crown that year in 2004 I did walk away with lifelong friends, a greater self-esteem, and the desire to continue pushing myself to reach my true potential.
In 2007 I was crowned Miss Bakersfield. Looking back, even though I had won the crown, I still felt like something was missing. I had pushed myself to my limits physically and spent a tremendous amount of time volunteering in the community, but I truly never felt comfortable in my skin or in that position. While it was a dream come true, I felt like an imposter constantly playing the role of 'Miss Bakersfield' and never actually believing that I was worthy of it. At the end of 2007 I passed on the torch and crowned my successor. On that December day in 2007 I decided to give up pageants for good. Fast forward to 2009.
Looking to spice up my life a little I decided to follow my heart when an opportunity arose to move to Santa Barbara, CA. I immediately began researching ways to get involved in my new community and make a few friends and realized that perhaps pageantry was the answer. I soon learned that Santa Barbara did not have a preliminary to the International pageant system and that Ventura was the closest city that did. While my life was still in transition phase from my move, I decided to enter the Miss Ventura County International pageant in 2010 anyway with very little expectation. That year I walked away as the 1st runner up and looking back I'm not surprised because I was still trying to mimic the titleholder and never truly felt worthy of the title. That year though I WAS given an incredible gift... a gift far more valuable than a crown... a gift that since, has not stopped giving. The directors (the Gushwa family) of the Ventura Co. Intl. pageant believed in me!.... which in turn gave me a tiny bit of belief in myself. At the time I was scared to death to share my past for fear of being judged. My amazing platform was volunteering with the elder community which was a passion of mine- but it was also safe and kept conversation far from the discussion of my childhood experiences. The following year I decided to give it another try and once again walked away 1st runner up- that year I decided to switch my platform to Big Brothers Big Sisters (an organization for children facing adversity that I had been mentoring with) but decided to once again steer clear of discussing my childhood.
In March I decided to try ONE more time. I promised myself though that this would be my final year and that I would compete as the true 'me'. For the first time ever I decided to give everyone a glimpse into my past. The past that instilled morals, compassion, and hard work into me; the past that I had always been ashamed of. The Gushwa family pushed me to be the best and most honest version of myself and this year and I was honored to be crowned Miss Ventura County Intl. 2013!
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